Suitcase Nuke

I love new things. A new pair of contact lenses. A new set of tires on the Jeep. A new, unspoiled jar of peanut butter (creamy, not chunky.) But there's almost nothing that compares to a brand new, untouched DVD from Netflix. Put it at the top of your queue, and time your returns just right, and maybe, just maybe you'll get the new release the day it says hello to the world. Peel open the crimson envelope, pull out the sleeve. The crisp, white, unsullied sleeve. No wrinkles. No folds. No tears, smudges or marks. Slide that disc out of the envelope and marvel. (Ha!) Underneath, a perfect crystal platter. Not a scratch or scrape. Not a fingerprint or smear. A perfect reflection of eager eyes. Take it in for just a moment. Now, turn out the lights. Turn on the audio. Press play. And please, please don't scratch the disc. Number two deserves an unspoiled plate as well.